Back to the Word as we know it...

Well, I recently got a phone call that rocked me to my core. You see, my mother's mama, my grandma Cherie died of cancer 14 years ago, and to be honest, it seems like yesterday. I can remember exactly what it felt like to see her health decline. I can remember the tears I cried and how bad my heart hurt. I can even remember what I wore on the day of her funeral. I can remember it all. Then, there was my beloved spiritual "mentor" if a girl who was not really in love with Jesus could have one... her name was Suzi. And she LOVED Jesus. She was the first person I knew that really loved His Word. She had such confidence when she spoke His Word from memory, something I envy to this day. She too died of cancer about 8 years ago, on her 50th birthday.

And recently, the phone call I got, was one that also had to do with cancer... my daddies mama, my MorMor has been diagnosed with bladder cancer. The pain has come back. The tears just keep coming and coming and coming. Over the past few WEEKS, I have been nose deep into Psalm 119. And I just keep reading and reading the SAME verses, all 176 of them and they all have spoken to me in different ways over the last few weeks.

Aleph

¹ Blessed are they whose ways are blameless,
who walk according to the law of the LORD.

² Blessed are they who keep his statutes
and seek him with all their heart.

³ They do nothing wrong;
they walk in his ways.

⁴ You have laid down precepts
that are to be fully obeyed.

⁵ Oh, that my ways were steadfast
in obeying your decrees!

⁶ Then I would not be put to shame
when I consider all your commands.

⁷ I will praise you with an upright heart
as I learn your righteous laws.

⁸ I will obey your decrees;
do not utterly forsake me.

You see, the first eight verses of this Psalm tenderly touch my heart. The first three are written in third person, those verse are an example of my loved ones who were and are overcome with cancer. They were and are blessed. They kept and still keep His statutes. To me, these three women, do nothing wrong, I have loved them and looked at them with rose colored glasses my entire life. I have admired them. I have loved them and still passionately love them as the years have gone by. I miss the ones that have gone before me and I see a little bit of them in me as I get older.

Verse four, “You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed…” My interpretation of that verse: You oh Lord you have spoken and your word is to be obeyed.

My interpretation of verse five: my ways, my path, my feet are firmly founded in your Word and I want to obey your Word. My heart wants to do what you want me to do.

My interpretation of verse seven: I will praise you with my whole heart, I will praise you with everything I have, even when things suck, I will shout praises to you until my voice is gone. I will praise you as tears drip from my face. I will praise you as pieces of my heart break over and over. And when I feel like I cannot go any more, I will open your Word and read until you answer my cries. I will cry until I hear you.

My interpretation of verse eight: Do not leave me! Do not forsake me, even when I forsake your Word and screw up, do NOT leave me. I cannot do this or the rest of my life without you, nor would I ever want to…

And so my journey through this Psalm and through this phase of life continues… more to come I am sure… after all there are 168 verse left to go…