Waiting is hard work...

I want it so bad I can hardly stand it. I want it so badly, I dream about what the landscaping will look like in the summer, while girls fill the yard and play volleyball.

I wait and I wait and I wait. I pray and I pray and I pray. I listen and listen and listen. Sometimes I think I hear Him, actually, I know I hear Him. I do what He asks. I ask the people who He brings my way and I wait some more.

Then, I open a book. THE BOOK. And I begin to read about Esther. This is the book within THE BOOK, that NEVER mentions Him by name. I have come to understand that just when He seems absent, He's present. Just when I think I have nothing more, He uses it has an opportunity to awaken my heart to the realization that He is still in charge, which normally brings me to my knees. And yet, I find myself waiting again!

Just when He seems absent, I figure out that He has been present through all the waiting and wanting. You see, He knows my heart, He knows this ministry, He knows the true condition of my soul, He knows the hidden impurities of my heart. He knows the depth depravity of my sin but in the midst of it all, He has never turned His back on me. Nor will He. Even in the middle of my waiting and wanting. There He is...

You see, the truth is: He has no night, He has no day, He has no month, He has no year. He has no past, He has no present and no future. He transcends it all. Therefore, I might just end up waiting A LONG TIME for a place for this ministry to call home.

I will wait patiently, I will wait loudly, I will wait while wanting and dreaming about the ministry. Just like the book of Esther was written from His perspective, I want this ministry to be written from His perspective. I want things to happen on His timing and I want what He wants and I will wait until He is ready to move.

But seriously, if I can be be open and honest, waiting is hard work... Some of the hardest work I have ever had to do. I just don't want to wait much longer you know...